7 Books For Keeping Kids Safe from Inappropriate Touch

Top 10 Books to Empower Kids About Their Bodies

The stats on child sexual abuse are alarming.  I met author and mom, Jay Dale, on Twitter and she asked me if I was going to cover this issue. I usually post lists of books but wasn’t familiar with books on this topic, and honestly, I struggle with The Birds and the Bees Talk. Still, this is a really important topic and I am delighted that Jay agreed to guest post for me.

————————

We teach our children about water safety and road safety — it is equally important to teach our children ‘body safety’ from a very young age. As both a teacher and a mother, I strongly recommend to all parents that ‘body safety’ becomes a normal part of your parenting conversation. The sexual abuse of children has no social boundaries, and providing children with body safety skills empowers them with knowledge of what is good and bad touch.

The statistics of 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys being sexually interfered with before their 18th birthday is truly frightening, and as many experts point out, this statistic only reflects reported cases. Also, 93% of children will know their perpetrator. The community’s focus has so often been on ‘stranger danger’ — however, the reality is, that the perpetrator will most likely be someone in the child’s immediate family circle and a person they know and trust.

There are a number of fantastic books available to teach children body safety skills. Children are visual learners so the story is an excellent medium when broaching this subject with your child. Here are my top ten.

Keeping Kids Safe from Inappropriate Touch

1. Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept by Jayneen Sanders, illustrated by Craig Smith

2. My Body Belongs To Me by Jill Starishevsky, illustrated by Sara Muller

A rhyming book that speaks to children about boundaries when it comes to touching and their bodies. It’s pretty graphic despite the simple rhymes:

“My uncle’s friend came over

and sat down next to me,

 

and touched me in that place

that no one else can see.”

3. Matilda Learns a Valuable Lesson by Holly-Ann Martin, illustrated by Marilyn Fahie

4. Amazing You by Dr. Gail Saltz, illustrated by Lynne Avril Cravath

5. The Right Touch by Sandy Kleven, illustrated by Jody Bergsma

A read-aloud story to help prevent child sexual abuse. “Lots of kids say they get warning feelings when things are not safe. Some children say it’s a nervous feeling. Others say that their tummies feel upset. So be sure to pay attention when warning feelings tell you to watch out.”

“Sometimes grown-ups, babysitters, and bigger kids try to trick children into secret touching games that might seem fun at first. … And remember, touching problems are never a child’s fault.”

6. I Said No! by Zack and Kimberly King, illustrated by Sue Rama

7. Your Body Belongs to You by Cornelia Spelman, illustrated by Teri Weidner

Honorable Mention Appropriate Touch Picture Books for Kids

Do You Have a Secret? (Let’s Talk About It!) by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos, illustrated by Marta Fàbrega

A very gentle book describing the difference between good secrets and bad secrets and what to do if you have a bad secret. [picture book, ages 4 and up]

No More Secrets for Me by Oralee Wachter, illustrated by Jane Aaron

In four separate stories on the theme of sexual abuse of children, young victims are able to articulate their feelings and defend themselves, often with the help of another person whom they trust.

Laurie Tells by Linda Lowery, illustrated by John Eric Karpinski

It’s been two years since it first happened when Laurie was nine-years-old and she still can’t understand why her dad is hurting her.

But now it’s not monsters and spooks

that scare me.

Now it’s my dad.

…

The first time it happened,

I was nine.

He was saying good-night,

scratching my back.

And then he reached

under my nightgown

and touched my body all over.

…

I hated what he was doing to me.

I began to cry.

[advanced picture book, ages 9 and up]

Miles is the Boss of His Body by Samantha Kurtzman-Counter and Abbie Schiller, illustrated by Valentina Ventimiglia

It’s Miles’ birthday and his family wants to help him celebrate but they are touching in ways that annoy him. He does not want his cheeks pinched by his grandfather, a birthday noogie from his older brother, a squeezy hug from his mom for his Aunt Millie, picked up and held high by his dad, tickled by the Birthday Chicken, or patted by the pizza delivery guy. Miles stands up for himself and his family, instead of getting upset, is proud of him. [picture book, ages 2 and up]

To examine any book more closely at Amazon, please click on image of book.

As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

To further help parents, here is a summary of the very important body safety skills every parent should teach their child. Please note, these skills can be taught gradually and in daily conversations as your child grows.

Body Safety Skills

1. As soon as your child begins to talk and is aware of their body parts, begin to name them correctly, e.g. toes, nose, eyes, etc. Children should also know the correct names for their genitals from a young age. Try not to use ‘pet names’. This way, if a child is touched inappropriately, they can clearly state to you or a trusted adult where they have been touched.

2. Teach your child that their penis, vagina, bottom, breasts, and nipples are called their ‘private parts’ and that these are their body parts that go under their swimsuit. Note: a child’s mouth is also known as a ‘private zone’.

3. Teach your child that no one has the right to touch or ask to see their private parts (and if someone does, they must tell you or a trusted adult (or older teenager) straight away. Reinforce that they must keep on telling until they are believed. (Statistics tell us that a child will need to tell three people before they are believed.) As your child becomes older (3+) help them to identify five people they could tell. These people are part of their ‘network’.

4. Teach your child that if someone (i.e. the perpetrator) asks them to touch their own private parts or shows their private parts to the child this is wrong also and that they must tell a trusted adult (or older teenager) straightaway. Reinforce that they must keep on telling until they are believed.

5. At the same time as you are discussing appropriate touch, talk about feelings. Discuss what it feels like to be happy, sad, angry, excited, etc. Encourage your child in daily activities to talk about their feelings, e.g. ‘I felt really sad when … pushed me over.’ This way your child will be more able to verbalize how they are feeling if someone does touch them inappropriately.

6. Talk to your child about feeling ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’. Discuss times when your child might feel ‘unsafe’, e.g. being pushed down a steep slide; or ‘safe’, e.g. snuggled up on the couch reading a book with you. Children need to understand the different emotions that come with feeling ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’. For example, when feeling ‘safe’, they may feel happy and have a warm feeling inside; when feeling ‘unsafe’ they may feel scared and have a sick feeling in their tummy.

7. Discuss with your child their ‘early warning signs’ when feeling unsafe, i.e. heart racing, feeling sick in the tummy, sweaty palms, feeling like crying. Let them come up with some ideas of their own. Tell your child that they must tell you if any of their ‘early warning signs’ happen in any situation. Reinforce that you will always believe them and that they can tell you anything.

8. As your child grows, try as much as possible to discourage the keeping of secrets. (Perpetrators rely heavily on children keeping secrets.) Talk about happy surprises such as not telling Granny about her surprise birthday party and ‘bad’ secrets such as someone touching your private parts. Make sure your child knows that if someone does ask them to keep an inappropriate secret that they must tell you or someone in their network straight away.

9. Discuss with your child when it is appropriate for someone to touch their private parts, e.g. a doctor if they are sick (but make sure they know you must be in the room). Discuss with your child that if someone does touch their private parts (without you there) they have the right to say: ‘No!’ or ‘Stop!’ and outstretch their arm and hand. Children (from a very young age) need to know their body is their body and no one has the right to touch it inappropriately.

10. Lastly, sexual abuse prevention education is not only a parent’s responsibility, it is also the community’s responsibility. Ask your child’s kinder or school if they are running such a program. If they are not, ask why not. And PLEASE lobby for it.

Note: The above points are a summary of the body safety skills your child needs to learn. If you wish to learn more, go to such organizations as Just Tell, Childhelp, and Stop It Now.

Some General Grooming Techniques to be Wary Of

• Be aware of any person who wishes to spend a great deal of time with your child, seeking out their company and offering to take care of them.

• A person who pays special attention to your child, making them feel more special than any other child; providing them with special treats, presents, sweets, etc.

• A person who is always willing to help out and ‘babysit’ when you are extremely busy and pushed for time.

Note: Sexual offenders will always plan who they target, they will work hard at getting both the child and the family’s trust. They will create opportunities to be alone with children or groups of children and may well target vulnerable communities.

They frequently change jobs and address to avoid detection. They will often spend a lot of time with children outside of their jobs. Sex offenders may well set up a scenario where a child has a reputation for lying so as to discredit them if they ever should disclose.

Normal sexual behavior

Children have a natural curiosity about their bodies and sex. This is normal. If you see any of the following behavior try not to react in a negative way. Sexual curiosity is how child learns about their gender. Age-appropriate sexual behavior is as follows:

• babies, toddlers, and young children exploring their genitals and enjoying being naked

• question about why they have a penis and girls don’t (and vice versa), ie trying to work out the difference between what it is to be male and what it is to be female

• showing others their genitals

• playing with doctors and nurses and/or mommies and daddies, kissing and holding hands with children of a similar age

• using slang words or ‘rude’ words they have picked up

• looking at each other’s body parts (particularly children under 7, close in age and who know each other ) in mutual agreement, ie no-one is being forced to show the other’s body parts

• as they get older, curious about where they came from; maybe giggly and embarrassed about body parts discussion

Some General Signs that a Child (0 to 12 years) May be Being Sexually Abused

Note: one or more of these indicators does not mean your child is being sexually abused, but if they do show these indicators, then there is good reason to investigate further.

• overly interested in their or other’s genitals and continually wants to touch the private parts of other children

• instigating and/or forcing ‘sex play’ with another child (often younger, more than 3 years difference in age)

• sex play is not appropriate ie oral-genital contact between a 7-year-old and a 4-year-old

• sex play with another child happening more than once, despite careful monitoring and discussion about inappropriateness

• persistent masturbation that does not cease when told to stop

• sexualized play with dolls or toys

• sexualized play involving forced penetration of objects vaginally or anally

• chronic peeping, exposing, and obscenities

• touching or rubbing against the genitals of adults or children they do not know

• persistent use of ‘dirty’ words

• describing sexual acts and sexualized behavior beyond their years

• strong body odor

• sores around the mouth

• bruising or bleeding in the genital area, bruising to breasts, buttocks, lower abdomen or thighs

• withdrawn and anxious behavior

• secretive or say they have a ‘special’ secret that they must not tell

• child or child’s friend telling you about interference directly or indirectly

• going to bed fully clothed

• increase in nightmares and sleep disturbances

• regressive behavior, for example, a return to bed-wetting or soiling

• unexplained accumulation of money and gifts

In older children (adolescents)

• self-destructive behavior such as drug dependency, suicide attempts, self-mutilation

• eating disorders

• adolescent pregnancy

• persistent running away from home

• withdrawn, angry

• pornography interest; verbally sexually aggressive obscenities

Jayneen Sanders (aka Jay Dale) is a teacher, author, mother of three teenage daughters, and an active advocate for sexual abuse prevention education both in the home and in schools. Jayneen has written many children’s books over the last 20 years and is currently the lead author of Engage Literacy —a new P–3 literacy series published by Capstone Classroom. Jayneen is the author of the children’s picture book Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept. To be read to children ages 3 to 12 years. 
The book includes notes for parents, and discussion questions to guide parents, caregivers,m, and teachers. For more information on this topic and Jay’s book go to www.somesecrets.info

To examine any of the items listed, please click on image of item.

As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Follow PragmaticMom’s board Multicultural Books for Kids on Pinterest.

Follow PragmaticMom’s board Children’s Book Activities on Pinterest.

My books:

 Amazon / Signed or Inscribed by Me

Amazon / Signed or Inscribed by Me

Food for the Future: Sustainable Farms Around the World

• Junior Library Guild Gold selection
• Massachusetts Book Award Long List
• Selected as one of 100 Outstanding Picture Books of 2023 by dPICTUS and featured at the Bologna Children’s Book Fair
• Starred review from School Library Journal
• Chicago Library’s Best of the Best
• 2023 INDIES Book of the Year Awards Finalist
• Green Earth Book Award Long List
• Imagination Soup’s 35 Best Nonfiction Books of 2023 for Kids

 Amazon / Barefoot Books / Signed or Inscribed by Me

Amazon / Scholastic / Signed or Inscribed by Me