Skip to content
Pragmatic Mom
Menu
  • Home
  • About
    • Contact
    • Policies
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Copyright
    • KidLit Blogroll
  • My Book Lists
    • My List of Lists
    • Multicultural Books for Children: 60+ Book Lists
    • #OwnVoices
    • Summer Reading Lists for Middle School Kids
    • Asian American Children’s Books
    • African American Children’s Books
    • Arab American Children’s Books
    • Latinx American Children’s Books
    • Native American Children’s Books
    • LGBTQIA+ Children’s Books
    • Diverse Books for Kids
    • Best Books for Kids
  • Education
    • STEM/STEAM
    • Math
    • Social Studies
    • Art Projects for Kids
    • Applying to Art School
    • Applying to College
    • Book Club for Kids
    • 70+ Free Educational Games
  • Controversial
    • Sexual Misconduct in Children’s Book Publishing #MeToo #TimesUp
    • Rethinking & Examining Dr. Seuss’ Racism
    • Blood Feud over YA #BloodHeir
    • Tulsa Race Massacre: What They Don’t Teach You in History Books
    • The Chinese Exclusion Act – What They Don’t Teach in History Books
    • Segregation in California Schools: What They Don’t Teach in History Books
    • SCBWI Minnesota Racist Illustration and Gaslighting Response
  • My Books
    • My Book Announcements
    • Origami French Fries: Activity for THE TRAVELING TACO
    • Book Announcement: A Place to Call Home! {and a new title …}
    • FOOD FOR THE FUTURE makes Sunshine State Young Readers Award Orange Blossom List for Nonfiction!
    • Cover Reveal of my latest picture book … FORTUNE COOKIES FOR EVERYONE!
    • Picture Book Announcement! BARBED WIRE BETWEEN US, illustrated by Violeta Encarnación
    • We Sing From the Heart gets a few stickers!
    • Book Announcement! Postcards from Malcolm X: How Yuri Kochiyama Became a Civil Rights Activist
    • Kirkus Reviews My Newest Picture Book: THE TRAVELING TACO
    • We Sing From the Heart is a Notable Social Studies Trade Books for Young People Winner!
    • We Sing From the Heart gets a few stickers!
    • WE SING FROM THE HEART wins California Eureka! Nonfiction Children’s Book Award
    • WE SING FROM THE HEART is Orbis Pictus Recommended Book
    • WE SING FROM THE HEART is a Junior Library Guild Gold Selection
    • Dorktales Podcast: Simon Tam, Hidden Hero of History
    • Food for the Future Wins Nautilus Silver Book Award
    • Food for the Future makes Mass Book Award Long List!
    • FOOD FOR THE FUTURE Makes Green Earth Book Award Long List!
    • Food for the Future is a finalist for 2023 INDIES Book of the Year!
    • New! Food for the Future Activity and Discussion Guide!
    • FOOD FOR THE FUTURE is a Junior Library Guild Gold Selection!
    • ‘Food for the Future’ selected for Chicago Public Library’s Best of the Best books
    • Scholastic Purchased CHANGING THE GAME!
    • Starred Review for FOOD FOR THE FUTURE from School Library Journal!
    • Sumo Joe makes Bank Street Best Children’s Books of the Year list!
    • How To Coach Girls wins Silver Award!
    • Posts on My Books
  • My Book Events
    • My Book Events
    • I’m Signing Books at ALA 2025 in Philly!
Menu
How to Teach Kids to Have Good Manners

How To Teach Good Manners to Kids

Posted on March 20, 2011June 10, 2024 by Pragmatic Mom

My husband grew up in a military family so good manners were a really big deal and he has beautiful manners. He’s not from the South, but he’s even got the Sir/Ma’am thing down. Manners are so important to him, or rather, bad manners are so offensive to him, that I refer to him as the Manners Nazi.

I, on the other hand, was raised by parents a generation older than my peer’s parents. My husband thinks I was raised by wolves. Naturally, the responsibility for teaching our kids manners is all him. After he stayed home with us first, the outcome was so positive that I tried to emulate what he did. And, as our children have ventured off on independent playdates, sleepovers, and dinners at other people’s houses, it was clear to us how important instilling manners at a VERY YOUNG age is. It’s a gift that keeps on giving.

We, as parents, notice when play dates come over and 1) say “please,” “thank you” and “no, thank you”, 2) clear their dishes without being asked, and 3) make eye contact. We also notice when play dates come over and 1) touch all the food on the communal platter before selecting their choice, 2) leave their dishes at the table, and 3) forget the “thank you” part of “no”. We really want the first group to hang out at our house! Wouldn’t you too?!

But, how do good manners happen? What parenting did or did not happen in group two? I’m not sure, but here’s what worked for us:

From birth until your last dying breath (although by 4-5 years old seems to penetrate the inner recesses of their brains)

  • Model polite language. Talk to your baby before s/he is talking and ALWAYS say “please”, “thank you” and “no, thank you” so much so that you start to correct adults by accident.
  • As your child begins to talk, correct EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE that s/he fails to say “please”, “thank you” and “no, thank you.” You will feel like an automaton but that is okay.
  • Give recognition every time your child says “please,” “thank you” and “no, thank you.” Positive reinforcement is what seals the deal. First, the positive reinforcement will come from you, but …
  • soon it will come from complete strangers and you can bask in your achievement because no one expects this from a 2, 3, or 4- 4-year-old!
  • By age 5, saying “please,” “thank you” and “no thank you” will become automatic. Yay! The first phase is completed!

From age 3-5, teach your children to:

  • Ask to be excused from the table.
  • Clear their plate and utensils after every meal. First to the general vicinity of the kitchen. Then to the sink. Finally, scrape the plate and bring it to the kitchen. (a big help for Mom!)
  • Make eye contact when speaking.
  • Hold the door if someone is behind you. If you have a son, teach him “Ladies first” when holding the door.
  • By age 5-7, this will become automatic. Yay! The second phase is completed!

From 2-10, talk about gratitude…

  • Thank the cook for every meal. “Thank you Dad for this nice meal.”
  • Thank the mom, dad, and birthday child for the nice party. “Thank you for the nice party.” “Goodbye and happy birthday.”
  • Say what you are thankful for…we don’t do this every meal, but we sometimes hold hands and go around the table. The kids will sometimes say the funniest things so for comedy value alone, this is very worthwhile. Yay! The third phase is completed! Your child has all the basics to function independently. Sit back and let the parents tell you how wonderfully polite your child was at their house. You deserve it. Your work is not done (when is it ever done?), but the foundation has been laid and it’s a solid one!

Honestly, good manners are as simple as a consistent, “please,” “thank you” and “no, thank you”. Aren’t these the first words we learn when we arrive in a foreign country? Even before, “Where is the bathroom?” It makes the world a nicer place and lubricates social interactions. But the key is early education and consistency.

Thank you for reading! What other things are working for you in the manners department? Please share!

P.S. One unfortunate outcome of this training is that you will find that you will be unable to stop correcting anyone who fails to say, “please,” “thank you” and “no, thank you.” You will correct your child’s play date friends. You will correct your spouse. You will correct complete strangers. You have become…a Manners Nazi.

Here are some fun books about manners.

 

Best Books for Kids on Good Manners

Mealtime by Elizabeth Verdick, illustrated by Marieka Heinlen

This sweet board book teaches good table manners including washing hands, saying “thank you” and “please,” trying one bite of everything on your plate, and clearing your plate. It’s a nice way to reinforce what you are saying. [board book, ages 2 and up]

I will be giving this book away. Please leave a comment with a manners tip that you do with your child to win.

Mealtime by Elizabeth Verdick

Sorry, Snail by Tracy Subisak

Ari was having a bad day and she took it out on a snail. Ms. Snail wasn’t having it and demanded an apology. Ari gave Ms. Snail an apology but it wasn’t a sincere one. Ms. Snail followed Ari to school with her snail friends and demanded a proper apology. Ari realized from the snail attack how bad Ms. Snail must have felt when she whispered mean things to her. Ari took time to create a beautiful chalk drawing and make a proper heartfelt apology. It was accepted and now they both have a new friend. [picture book, ages 3 and up]

Sorry, Snail by Tracy Subisak

D.W.’s Guide to Perfect Manners by Marc Brown

Great advice from D.W., Arthur’s little sister, on how to be perfect for one day! [picture book, ages 4 and up]

D.W.'s Guide to Perfect Manners by Marc Brown

 

How Rude!: The Teenagers’ Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior, and Not Grossing People Out  by Alex J. Packer

This etiquette book is perfect for tweens. It’s funny and covers all the basics. [nonfiction middle grade, ages 10 and up]

How Rude!: The Teenagers' Guide to Good Manners, Proper Behavior, and Not Grossing People Out  by Alex J. Packer

 

365 Manners Kids Should Know by Sheryl Eberly

Great advice and you can also make a game of it in her other book!

365 Manners Kids Should Know by Sheryl Eberly

table manners for kids, papersalt

 

To examine any of the items listed, please click on image of item.

As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

 

Congrats to Erin who won Mealtime!

 

Follow PragmaticMom’s board Multicultural Books for Kids on Pinterest.

Follow PragmaticMom’s board Children’s Book Activities on Pinterest.

 

My books:

We Sing From the Heart picture book cover reveal of The Slants Simon Tam

 Amazon / Signed or Inscribed by Me

Cover Reveal: Boxer Baby Battles Bedtime!Amazon / Signed or Inscribed by Me

Food for the Future: Sustainable Farms Around the World by Mia Wenjen, illustrated by Robert Sae-Heng

Food for the Future: Sustainable Farms Around the World

  • ⭐ Starred review from School Library Journal!
  • Junior Library Guild Gold selection
  • Massachusetts Book Award Long List
  • dPICTUS 100 Outstanding Picture Books of 2023
  • Chicago Library’s Best of the Best
  • 2023 INDIES Book of the Year Awards Finalist
  • Green Earth Book Award Long List
  • Nautilus Silver Winner, Nonfiction Children’s Picture Book
  • Imagination Soup’s 35 Best Nonfiction Books of 2023 for Kids

 Amazon / Barefoot Books / Signed or Inscribed by Me

cover for Sumo JoeChanging the Game: Asian Pacific American Female Athletes by Mia WenjenAmazon / Scholastic / Signed or Inscribed by Me

The Elusive Full Ride Scholarship: An Insider’s Guide

How To Coach Girls by Mia Wenjen and Alison FoleyAsian Pacific American Heroes

6 thoughts on “How To Teach Good Manners to Kids”

  1. T.H. Ritual says:
    March 20, 2011 at 5:55 am

    I pass students in the hallways–juniors and seniors–who, when within appropriate striking distance for eye contact and a polite ‘hello’, find counting locker numbers with a contrived diversionary stare the most interesting thing in the Cosmos. It makes me feel like we’ve a long way to go.

    It makes me feel like the way is even longer when teachers and administrators do the same thing.

    Reply
    1. Pragmatic Mom says:
      March 22, 2011 at 8:33 am

      To T.H.,
      It does take training, I think, to get kids to make eye contact when they speak but once they get the hang of it, it’s a lesson that will serve them well in life.

      Reply
    2. Pragmatic Mom says:
      March 22, 2011 at 8:44 am

      To T.H.,
      It is hard to teach a child to make eye contact, I’ve noticed, but it is a lesson that will serve them well in life. Maybe no one taught the students, teachers and administrators who avoid eye contact in the hall way. In some ways, it’s more uncomfortable not to make eye contact with someone you know so that is too bad. On the other hand, when I started taking the subway in Boston, my friend from Woburn taught me to NEVER make eye contact for safety reasons. I wonder if that is a reason they don’t do that at school??

      Reply
  2. Erin says:
    March 20, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    I love your posts. I try to teach manners but I have three boys and a husband who doesn’t rank manners high up on his to do list. However, I make sure my kids say thank you for everything. Thank you to teachers, thank you to coaches and thank you to every and any person that may provide even the slightest help or service. At least they are getting that.

    Reply
    1. Pragmatic Mom says:
      March 22, 2011 at 8:35 am

      To Erin,
      I think saying thank you is HUGE! And I think that it underscores the point that the point of thanking is appreciation for what these people do for you. Well done MOM!!!

      Reply
    2. Pragmatic Mom says:
      March 22, 2011 at 8:42 am

      To Erin,
      Thank you so much! It sounds like your kids have “thank you” down and that is wonderful because it also teaches them appreciation for what others do for them. Great job MOM!

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Looking for something? Search here.

I’m Mia Wenjen!

Mia Wenjen Pragmatic Mom

Hi, I’m Mia Wenjen. Nice to meet you!

I blog excessively about diverse children’s books (picture books through middle grade). I am also the co-founder of Read Your World Celebrates Multicultural Children’s Book Day on Jan 25, 2024, our 11th year!

I’d love to chat with you. Let’s connect! PragmaticMomBlog (at) gmail (dot) com or through my social media handles.

Free Blog Updates in your Inbox (RSS feed)

Monthly Newsletter with Subscriber Only Giveaways in your Inbox

My Linktree (click for my links & socials)

my linktree

My Websites

  • How To Coach Girls
  • I Love Newton
  • Mia Wenjen (My New Author Website)

Camp Cody: Overnight Camp in New Hampshire

Read Your World LGBTQIA+ Books Save Lives Merch!

https://www.pragmaticmom.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Read-Your-World-FINAL-Merchandise-Video.mp4

Purchase Read Your World Merch

LGBTQIA+ Books Save Lives Merch.

Buy it here!

Search Amazon

Find Children's Books

Newton Children’s Book Festival 2025

Newton Children's Book Festival 2025

Get My Books Signed or Inscribed through my shop (click to purchase)

Mia Wenjen signed books

Boxer Baby Battles Bedtime! (click to purchase)

Cover Reveal: Boxer Baby Battles Bedtime!

We Sing From the Heart (click to pre-order)

We Sing From the Heart picture book cover reveal of The Slants Simon Tam

FOOD FOR THE FUTURE (click to purchase)

Food for the Future: Sustainable Farms Around the World by Mia Wenjen, illustrated by Robert Sae-Heng

CHANGING THE GAME (click to purchase)

Changing the Game: Asian Pacific American Female Athletes by Mia Wenjen

SUMO JOE (click to purchase)

Sumo Joe cover reveal

Asian Pacific American Heroes (click to purchase)

Asian Pacific American Heroes by Mia Wenjen

GNOMES & UNGNOMES: Poems of Hidden Creatures // I have 3 haiku poems (click to purchase)

GNOMES & UNGNOMES: Poems of Hidden Creatures 3 haiku by Mia Wenjen
Read Your World is Multicultural Children's Book Day

ClothingRIC- A Premium Coupon Website!

ThingsFromMars- The Wondrous World of Wacky Gift Products!

How to Get Kids Reading

  • Multicultural Books for Children: 60+ Book Lists
  • Getting Kids to Love Reading
  • Summer Reading Lists for Kids By Grade
  • Summer Reading Lists for Middle School Kids

Heim Nest Kid Mattress Exclusive Deal

Heim Nest Kid Mattress

AdvancedWriters.com is an expert writing service which helps students with academic writing.

educational toys

CEX.IO is a versatile crypto exchange platform where users can buy, sell, and trade cryptocurrencies, as well as access resources and tools to learn how to trade effectively.

MyPaperDone.com
is surely one of the best when it comes to paper writing assistance.

My Custom Essay
will guide you through academic life.

Essay Writing Services

If you ask "write my essay", Topessaywriting can help you with paper writing

TranslationReport can help you to choose the best translation service

If you are looking for the most trusted essay writing service, check this article about best essay writing service reviews at Econotimes

educational toys from dhgate stores

Assignment Writing Services Offer Assignment Assistance In UK Based Company 50% Discount Students

Playing at online casinos can be an exciting and rewarding experience, and you can find the best options at casinoszondercruksonline.com. 

For those seeking a safe and reputable gambling experience, the Meest betrouwbare buitenlandse casino lijst is an invaluable resource.

Archives

Categories

The Elusive Full Ride Scholarship (click to purchase)

The Elusive Full Ride Scholarship: An Insider’s Guide

HOW TO COACH GIRLS (click to purchase)

How To Coach Girls silver award winner

Archives

I’ll be sharing WHAT I WISH I KNEW BEFORE I STARTED MY KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN

HOW TO COACH GIRLS book trailer by Mia Wenjen & Alison Foley

https://youtu.be/j74M0bBxrGg

Recent Posts

  • Cover Reveal for Fight for the Right to Read June 16, 2025
  • We Sing From the Heart makes Bank Street Best Children’s Book of the Year 2025! June 13, 2025
  • Sumo Joe turns 6 Years Old and 6 book GIVEAWAY! June 11, 2025
  • 7 Interfaith Picture Books & GIVEAWAY! June 9, 2025
  • Read Your World Summer Flash Sale! June 6, 2025

Categories

© 2025 Pragmatic Mom | Powered by Superbs Personal Blog theme
This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.Accept Read More
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are as essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
SAVE & ACCEPT